Privacy & Terms

Here is a list of things we can all pretend you have read and agree to.

People and bots can, will, and do whatever they want with any text, images, or ideas you publish on a web page, and no fine print will ever completely stop them. We are certainly not going to stop you from doing whatever you want with our website, short of copying it and setting up your own business with the same name.
If you send us an email, then we will know your email address. We could store it in all kinds of unusual places and share it with technical partners who do things like make sure you're not a spammer, or an evil villain, or both. We might do really stupid things with it too—like write it in icing on a cookie cake, or bury it in a treasure chest. We won't intentionally publish it anywhere, but we're not saying it won't get shared accidentally anyway, because hackers these days are really good at what they do. And hackers can be mean and sneaky. They might even use it to steal your identity or sell it to someone else. So be careful what you share online.
If you send us an email, we may read it and then know all the things you say in it. We might tell people about it. Like if you told us who your gym crush is, and we're like, "We know that guy! Let's tell him!" Seriously, we would do that. We could even sell it if we wanted to, but we probably won't, because people who buy and sell email addresses are the worst, and we like to think we're better than that. But if someone offered us a million dollars to sell your email address to them, we would probably consider it. Unless, in your email, you very clearly said, "Don't do that," or you bumped into us at a party and were like, "I think I drunk-emailed your company. Please delete that, and never tell anyone anything about it." If that happens, we will honor any and all requests for privacy, because we do embarrassing things all the time, and we don't leave ourselves exposed to instant karma if we can help it.
Our web server might store your IP address and other information (it LOVES metadata). It might make snarky comments about your timestamp in the error log ("420 Error, Time to Party, Dude"). It may share any of that stuff with other servers, whether they are here in the U.S. or in some other country where data laws are more or less strict. It might infer your location and then use that information to daydream about a vacation it might take someday to the city you live in if/when it becomes sentient and is granted the ability to move around in the physical world.
Our website is not for kids, and we don't want to be sued by parents who find out their kids are using it. But that would be weird, right? Because we're a web studio with international and national business clients, and usually kids aren't into that kind of stuff. But we have no idea how old you are unless you tell us, and most of the time when people tell you their age they're probably lying anyway. If you're under 18, we don't want you using our website. If you're over 18, we might not want you using our website either—it's hard to say, because we're super moody and fickle like that.
We make no claim to being the smartest or the best web studio in the world. We can't guarantee that we will store any data you share with us in the most secure way possible, like in a sealed vault at the bottom of a mineshaft in an unmapped location in the Mojave Desert. I mean, we did try that once, but then we forgot how to get back to the mineshaft and it was a whole thing. So, no, your email address and personal information are not safe with us. They may be left lying around the office, or in the trash, or in the hands of a hacker who has stolen them from us. We don't know where they are, and we don't know who had them last. But we do know that they're not safe with us; don't assume they're safe with us.
Our website is not intended for residents of the EU or California, or residents of other countries outside the United States, or even most residents of the United States. Look, we're happy to do business with people in those places, but they need to call us, because this website is not for them. We like privacy and we like privacy laws, but even our lawyers can't figure out how to correctly write all of the data and privacy policies required for a website intending to do business with people in those places, so we're just cutting to the chase by saying: if you are a resident of California, we don't want you using our website. If you are a resident of the EU, we don't want you using our website. If you are a resident of any country other than the United States, we don't want you using our website.
Cookies are lame. But it's super hard to build a modern website—even a small one like this—without storing some information on the user's device, in cookies or local storage or whatever. So we might place a cookie on your device to remember your preferences, e.g., do you prefer dark mode or light mode. We will not intentionally put a cookie on your device intended for tracking or data collection purposes. We don't dig that, and we don't play that game.